Category Archive: Attitude

Patience — Now!

I was responding to emails when my computer screen went black. No matter what I did, I couldn’t pull it up again, nor could I pull up any other information. Stuck!

Couldn’t access my finances. Couldn’t get into my novel work-in-progress. Not a search engine, nor a planning program. And I knew if I took my laptop into Clickaway I’d be without it for a day or two.

I looked up yahoo support and called a number that purported to be yahoo. On the phone, the rep talked me through a few things but then wanted to connect me with another party which of course would cost me money and … my brother, Arnold, was listening in the other room. Both he and I had a bad feeling about this call, so he rushed into the room while I said “I need to think about this” and ended the call.

Arn and I looked for a yahoo customer service direct number and the gentleman with whom I spoke was articulate, gracious and professional. He assured me I shouldn’t have to pay to get back online and got me going within a short period of time, then advised me to have my laptop checked for viruses. which I did.

I had also applied for renewal of my passport. I pulled the application off the web and was charged a $38 “processing fee”. About a week after mailing all the requisite paperwork, I got an email from the US Dept of State that I owed them $140 for the passport book and card. I called to clarify and the man at the other end of the line – again, gracious, clear – explained that the Department of State would never charge a processing fee, only the $140 for the book and card. The $38 I’d already spent was to a third party – and I probably can’t recover the $38. It was just frustrating to see how often others take advantage and scam us. (Lessons learned, I hope!) Reminds me of what my younger brother, Bob, said after attending a conference on white-collar crime. “People are finding more and more sophisticated ways to do evil.”

Two weeks ago I talked about bringing Christ into everything, including those annoying moments and the fatigue that sometimes crush me. These were such moments and I was ticked off! I told Don I didn’t know if I wanted to pray for patience because developing it is sometimes very hard.

So what should Pastor Tim talk about this weekend but the fruit of the Spirit which is … PATIENCE! Oh timely word!

He described biblical patience as having a “long fuse” – the ability to bear up under difficulty without giving up or giving in to bitterness. It goes beyond saying “I’m going to put up with this” to our behavior while we wait on the Lord.

One of the ways we can practice patience is to bless people. We’re told to “pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). It’s pretty hard to pray for someone and hate them at the same time. And while we may pray for God to change a person’s heart, to adjust their mindset, to make him or her kinder, we are in that asking him to bless them. We may ask Him to lighten that person’s burden so they can be more loving or kind.

I’ve experienced this. In one workplace a member of my staff tried in every way to disgrace me, to hurt my reputation. Due to circumstances I won’t go into here, my ability to deal with the issue was severely restricted. Every day at lunch I sat across from a huge old oak, eating a salad, reading scripture and begging for grace to work within this very challenging situation. And it seemed every day God said, “Wait for me. I will deal with this.”

One day this woman was discovered to have stolen from the President (her “good friend”) and the company. And she was history. God took care of the situation and cleared my name. She was the one without integrity.

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.'”.

Romans 12:18-19, ESV

I can think of someone I need to bless this week. Can you?

Sleep Deprivation

Renowned psychiatrist Dr. Archibald Hart says many people’s personality faults, anger and anxiety, can be reduced or even eliminated by getting more sleep on a regular basis. He recommends going to bed 15 minutes earlier every night for a week; then 30 minutes; then 45; and finally an hour earlier (or more, if you need it).

As I talk to girlfriends my age, I’m somewhat surprised at how many of us have difficulty sleeping–some wake up during the night and have trouble falling back asleep for several hours. Some wake early in the morning and are awake, albeit dragging, later in the day. Others, like me, don’t fall asleep for hours after getting into bed.

I’ve tried many different possible remedies and am hopeful that I’ve found one that works for me. However, I’ve resonated with Dr. Hart’s insights about the importance of sleep in our lives.

When I’m tired I need to put more of a guard on my tongue so as not to snap at those I love, drag around looking at the floor, thinking of all the things I need to do and don’t want to begin.

Once I get some rest I’m perkier, more loving to Don and accepting of myself, and have increased patience for others’ needs and concerns.

I’ve found it’s better to go to bed earlier rather than sleep later in the morning. The earlier rest is more refreshing because I’m not so fatigued when I first nod off.

When I can’t sleep I do one of a number of things:

  • Pray
  • Read
  • Eat (that’s a bad one!)
  • Watch TV, or
  • Focus on my work-in-progress novel.

My hubby is a great sleeper who falls asleep within three minutes of when his head hits the pillow. While he slumbers through my nocturnal wakings (someone has to, right?), our dog Paige is my little midnight buddy. If I get out of bed she invariably wakens within 20 minutes to find me gone. I’ll hear the patter of little paws and sure enough, my pal has come to keep me company. I must admit sometimes she looks at me like “what are you doing up and Puh-leeze, can we go back to bed?”

So are you sleep deprived? How is that affecting your work, your attitude, your joy, your relationships? How do you deal with the effects of this deprivation? What can you do to change either the circumstances or yourself?

When you face a physical, emotional or spiritual crisis, sometimes the first and best thing to do is sleep. Release your cares to God, who has promised to care for you. Allow your mind to clear, your body and spirit to be refreshed so you can face the challenges before you. So often I feel like I have to finish everything on my to-do list, meet whatever challenges are in my path, and do it on my own. And yet my Father says:

“It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.”

Psalm 127:2

This week I resolve to focus more on bringing him into everything I do and need, and allow him to give me rest, knowing I am one of his beloved.

Back to the Ranch

I wish I could capture mornings at Rancho Santa Marta. The air is crisp and cool—cooler than we expected! Birdsong of different species fills our ears with the hope of a new day. I look out our door to see three horses in the paddock. Somehow, because of different environmental allergens, my vision here is superb and I can almost count the leaves on the Ranch’s trees.

We’re up at 5:30 am for group devotions at 6:00, followed by breakfast and the workday ahead. Don and I walk out of our room, down the cement steps and along the dirt road to the dining area.

Peter leads devotions for our group, talking about cracked pots–you and me, and some days, especially me! Each of us is a vessel (an “instrumento”) designed for service. The apostle Peter instructed that “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” I Peter 4:10 NIV.

My lovely amiga Julia grew up at the Ranch and is now studying Film at University

We’re once again in a beautiful part of God’s world in Baja, Mexico, about 60 miles south of Ensenada, with people we love and a ministry to under-served children that touches our hearts.

Don leading men in construction projects

And our team’s gifts are many and varied, including:

  • Cooking
  • Construction
  • Craft-making
  • Painting
  • Puppetry
  • Photography
  • Project Management and
  • Administration.

All pitch in to help cook and clean.

Some who have never worked in construction learn new skills as our team builds trusses, hoists them onto the roof of the last two high school classrooms here, and covers the trusses with plywood sheeting, ready for the next volunteer team to move the project forward.

Photo courtesy of Larry Trice

About 38 children live on the property in four homes, each with house parents. Additionally, about 200 children are bused in for school daily from up to 60 miles away. Teachers who could earn much more in the public school system give of their hearts and minds to these children who need to know Jesus’ love, expressed through men and women who are His hands and feet on earth. The students are trained according to their special needs.

We’re getting tired. And yet every time Don and I come here we are so glad to be back in this place where children we have learned to love are given a safe haven in which to learn and grow. The needs for external and internal healing are great, and God’s love and grace are part of the curriculum.

This week’s projects, led by different team members, included the following:

  • Built and erected 38 trusses for the last two high school classrooms on the Ranch.
Covering the trusses with plywood sheeting
  • Led four craft sessions, one for each children’s residence.
  • Conducted puppet and chalk talk demonstrations in many of the elementary school classrooms.
  • Built and installed shelves in a new and expanded room for clothing and shoe distribution.
  • Trimmed and thinned peach trees in the orchard.
  • Prepared, cleaned up, and ate three wonderful squares a day to keep us going.
  • Enjoyed games and music some evenings.
  • Had a Pinata and S’mores party with the resident children, followed by dinner in the four homes.
Enjoying dinner in one of the girls’ residences

Saturday we leave RSM at 5 am to head for the border and back to our “normal” lives, a little bit richer for having been here once again – year ten for Don, and nine for me.

God bless the directors, teachers, staff, house parents and children at Rancho Santa Marta until we see you again!

www.ranchosantamarta.org/

Grief Survival Tools

“What are some of the tools in your grief survival kit?” This question was posed on Quora, a site I sometimes respond to. I thought it was worth mentioning some of the items that helped me survive after the devastating loss of my first husband. They included the following:

  • Family/friends who allowed me to be exactly where I was–numb, inattentive, distant, glazed, aching–and didn’t try to “fix” me.
  • Faith in the God who has promised never to leave me nor forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5)
  • Participation in a grief recovery program along with other new widows and widowers. At www.griefshare.org you can enter your zip code and find a group, as well as resources in your area. Processing loss with a trained facilitator and with others in the same life crisis was very helpful to me in understanding some of the impacts, and the timeline, of grief.
  • Prayer – my own and those of others for me.
  • God’s promises through scripture, such as the one at right which He gave me following Jerry’s death.

    God’s promises encouraged my heart

  • Reading some excellent books on grief, its impact, process, recovery. I didn’t read these immediately after Jerry’s death. I needed a bit of time to get through the initial shock before absorbing others’ ideas about grief.
  • A body pillow I purchased to hug at night.
  • A heating pad for those times when my body, in shock, couldn’t get warmed through. A great tip from my nurse friend, Fritz.
  • Sleep.
  • Work, or projects (like cleaning out the garage!) that kept my mind from focusing only on my loss.
  • Writing … whether a journal, notes to others, or blogposts … was another way of releasing the feelings tumbling about in my brain and heart.
  • More sleep.

These were some of my tools. What has helped you deal with grief?

 

Complaints–or Gratitude?

Thankfulness–I’ve been remiss! I realized this morning in our church service that I’ve been grousing about our move, the effort and time it is taking, etc., etc., etc. I’ve been only half-joking when I say I hope I don’t have to move again until I transfer to heaven. Instead of complaining, I should be thankful. And I am. Let me count the ways:

  • I’m thankful we have a lovely home and are able to move into another beautiful spot for a new season of life. Many do not have the option to live anywhere other than where they are.
  • I’m thankful for my darling husband, whose birthday is today. We celebrated with tapas at our local Tortilla Flats. We’ve been married eight wonderful years and are both still active and enjoying life together. I cannot imagine trying to make this move alone!
  • I’m thankful we had the opportunity to choose where we will live.
  • I’m thankful for family and friends who love, pray for, and help us along the way! As I write this, one of our friends is on the scaffold my hubby built to put on our truck bed in order to power wash our house prior to putting it on the market. Other friends have helped me pack. I’m deeply thankful for many who are giving of their time and energy to help us prepare for our move.
  • I’m thankful we can give things away that we no longer need, and hope they will bring joy or help to others. I think one of the blessings of moving is sorting, determining what is still important or necessary, and saying “Thanks and goodbye” to the rest. There are so many in need. We can help some by what we do with our excess.
  • I’m thankful we will have less to deal with in our new home. “Stuff” can weigh us down emotionally, physically, spiritually.
  • I’m thankful for the memories we’ve built here, the friends we’ve made, the family and people needing respite whom we have been privileged to host and learn from, and the beauty that surrounds us in the foothills near Santa Cruz. And I look forward to the new memories we will create in The Villages.
  • I’m thankful we’ll be nearer my mother, brother and two nephews; and one of Don’s sons. While it will take time to unpack and settle in, we will relax a bit more, take more walks together, and have less property to care for.
  • I’m thankful for a wonderful church, Twin Lakes in Aptos, which we’ve been part of for the past six years.  Both Don and I were touched this morning as Pastor Rene gave a very clear update about the safety of children in the church’s Sunday school as well as K-8 classes. We grieve at news about children becoming victims of teachers and assistants and even church workers. Rene wanted to ensure that parents, grandparents, perpetrators, and the church know that Twin Lakes will not only not cover up any reported abuse but will expose it to the proper authorities for investigation and justice; that our children WILL be safe in the TLC environment. Having known of situations in which predatory behavior was overlooked or covered up, I’m deeply grateful for a church that stands for righteoussness and truth in EVERY area. We will miss so much about this church but trust God will lead us to one closer to our new home where we can learn and serve.

    New children’s building we helped with at TLC

  • Photo by Tong Nguyen van on Unsplash

    I’m thankful we don’t move often! (chuckle)

    It’s easy to get mentally overloaded with too much to do, to think of, to follow up on, and allow the really important things to slide–quiet times with God, walks with loved ones, playing ball with Paigey. Then I need to take inventory, review my priorities and start to say no, whether to activities, to deadlines, to busyness.

I choose to be thankful.

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”  I Thessalonians 5:18 NLT