How Do I Deal with Separation Anxiety …

I took my Sunflower Butter and raspberries to the checkout counter, where a tall, lovely African-American woman greeted me with a big smile. We chatted for a minute and I said something to which she responded, “I’m on your team there.”

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Prompted internally, I said, “And the biggest team I’m on is Jesus’ team.”

“Me too girl! I don’t wanna miss that team!”

Her joyful response prompted me to say that I thought she might be. We parted with big smiles and anticipation of seeing each other the next time I’m in that market.

With Shelter in Place we have fewer opportunities to communicate with others, to encourage them and be encouraged by them, to laugh together, to enjoy a shared moment that brings sunshine to both our souls.

Most of Don’s and my interactions have been with each other and our sweet Paigey; and occasionally with a family member we see, or an individual in a grocery store. I notice that with our masks on, shoppers look less at each other.

Perhaps because we can’t see each other smile.

Perhaps because we’re trying to keep as much facial distance as possible between us. 

So when we relate to someone, like a cashier, over our masks, eyes meeting, it is a gift. We are made to be in relationship. We need each other. We need to find ways to connect despite our social distancing, which separates us, increases anxiety and depression.

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At PsychCentral, Paula Durlofsky, PhD writes about ways to combat the emotional impacts of social distancing. I have edited and added my own comments to some of her points.

  • Record your feelings like a reporter – just the facts. This helps calm the emotions and allows us to reason more clearly.
  • Make a plan for reducing your distress, whether that is watching a funny movie, taking a walk or a warm bath.
  • Take breaks from watching, reading and listening to the news. A radio talkshow host told one listener who was feeling depressed that if she stopped listening to the news for four days she would feel considerably better. Wise counsel!
  • Eat well-balanced meals, exercise, get enough sleep, and avoid damaging coping strategies like alcohol and drugs.
  • Enjoy the times you can have with family. Playing board games, watching movies together, taking walks, and talking through your day all help reduce stress levels and enhance your relationships.
  • Stay connected via social networking sites and virtual platforms. Zoom and FaceTime can provide opportunities to see the other’s facial expressions while we hear his or her voice.
  • Spend time in nature, hiking, going for a run or bike ride.

And  I would add:

  • Make prayer and Bible reading a part of your daily life. In this pandemic we are not alone. We have family, friends, people of faith with whom to connect; and more, we have the God who is always Present and who loves us unconditionally. Reading the Bible helps me cope with some of those depressive and anxious thoughts that rear their ugly heads. Praying helps me give them to my good good Father – even if I have to do that multiple times a day.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10 NLT

What strategies are you using to deal with or prevent depression and anxiety?

 

Wait–I Will Take Care of You

I recall a time when one of my staff members (let’s call her Betty) tried to stab me in the back in any way she could. She didn’t like it that I actually expected her to work! Because Betty was good friends with the company president and babysat his children, I was limited in how I could respond to her.

During that time I felt attacked and quite lonely. Just about every day I ordered a salad at McDonald’s, then parked in the lot across the street from a huge, beautiful oak tree. There I read the Psalms and prayed, asking God to resolve this issue, to guide me, to give me His grace to deal with Betty and her undermining. And it seemed every scripture, every word to my heart said “Wait. I will take care of this.”

To wait on God means to pause and soberly consider our own inadequacy and the Lord’s all-sufficiency, and to seek counsel and help from the Lord, and to hope in Him (Psalm 33:20-22; Isa. 8:17) … The folly of not waiting for God is that we forfeit the blessing of having God work for us. The evil of not waiting on God is that we oppose God’s will to exalt Himself in mercy.

John Piper

So I waited. I did require that Betty, who handled payroll, be transferred out of my department and into Accounting. Soon after the accounting manager discovered that this woman had paid herself three extra weeks’ vacation. Once the President learned she had stolen from him, Betty was fired immediately.

So waiting on the Lord was exactly what I needed to do and He resolved the issue, as He had promised.

But Betty’s termination was not the most significant outcome of my wait. God was doing His own work in my heart at the same time. I needed to recognize my inability to handle this situation, and entrust it to God. I needed to trust that if she turned all the other managers against me, my Father still had a plan for me. Had I tried to resolve this on my own I really would have missed the “blessing of having God work for me” (Piper).

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor (woman) called, and the Lord heard (her); he saved (her) out of all (her) troubles.

Psalm 34:4-6

How often do we try to fix things on our own? We are such a self-sufficient culture. We avoid asking for help if at all possible. But in so doing, we miss seeing God at work on our behalf, and also miss the joy of seeing others come to our aid, of working together for a solution.

Oh, troubles will continue until we meet Jesus face to face. But that incident was a specific reminder to me of God’s watchcare over me. And now, with a pandemic, physical distancing, and national/global chaos, I try to remember His faithfulness in the past. His character does not change. His faithfulness remains in every situation.

Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!” The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.

Lamentations 3:21-26

So, when in a difficult time, wait. Talk to God about your concerns. He loves you infinitely. You may need to talk to a pastor, counselor, or friend. Then wait with patience. Wait with expectation. Wait with praise. Wait with grace.

How Do We Start the Conversation?

Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads out there – and especially to mine in heaven, John Froese. I love you Dad!

So in this video Dad’s grandson, Drew Froese, starts a conversation with his friend Chris. Both are pastors. I love that during this time when we are very focused on racial reconciliation, the Church is starting these dialogues which I hope will continue long past the current protests.

https://youtu.be/o3yWfn4TAkc

It’s a conversation worth listening to. (And there are others found at tlc.org/reconcile, then click on “Conversations”.) When Jesus taught us to pray, He started with “Our Father …” and He’s a good good Father! But the “our” suggests that, while we pray individually, we also pray corporately – with all our brothers and sisters of every race and nationality and tribe.

He adopted you as his own children … now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ …

Romans 8:15, 17a

Let’s continue the conversation. I’d love to hear your response.

Blessings!

WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

These last few months when we have been sheltered in place, have increased a sense of purposelessness for many. Limited in our ability to connect with family and friends, we wonder how to love on neighbors beyond asking how they’re doing, praying for them, and offering to do a shopping run for them.

  • Children are out of school. They haven’t been able to play with their friends for some time.
  • Young adults have missed being in class with their colleagues.
  • Employees work from home and miss the camaraderie and stimulation that being together in the workplace brings.
  • We watch church on Facebook Live or Zoom and miss the hugs and face to face greetings we usually give and receive.

Many parents are doing all in their power to enhance their children’s online learning and develop creative, fun activities for their kiddos.

But my brother, a retired police officer, tells us the incidences of abuse and domestic violence are increasing significantly. People feel the pressure of our current social isolation.

And while we need to address social justice issues, it feels like the quarantine of the COVID-19 pandemic has caused us to be more open to conflict, confrontation, and aggression–on both sides!

God’s Word assures us that His purposes will be accomplished. I find myself asking “God, what is Your purpose in all this turmoil? What is it You want to change in my heart, and in our nation and the world?”

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

When we focus on God, our perspective shifts from our own fears, concerns, actions, to watching for ways to get on board with his purpose and plans. One day all men–believers and unbelievers alike–will bow before Him in all His glory.

I read of a police officer who was afraid. He asked Siri (on his smart phone), “How can I be saved?” Siri directed him to the Billy Graham online site, where he learned how he could have a personal relationship and peace with God (https://peacewithgod.net/). God is at work through this time. Let’s not lose sight of what he wants to do in and through us.

God has not promised to remove the storms from our lives; but he has promised to be with us in each of them.

So let’s start a dialogue:

What do you want/need from me? How can I encourage you as we navigate this difficult time together?

What Does God Require of Us (Concerning Racism)

I expect many of us have wrestled this week with the question “What can I do to help root out racism and heal our land?” Our pastor, Tim Wood of Evergreen Valley Church in San Jose, wrote a post this week that I thought gave wise encouragement about what is required of us. With his permission, I am reposting his words here.

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? (Micah 6:8 ESV)

 But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don’t take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. (Micah 6:8 The MSG)

 3,000 years later, and these words from Micah are still relevant and powerful. These words are simple to read and challenging to live out.

What does the LORD (Yahweh) require of us? Only this, to do justice, to love people loyally and to remain humble before our God.

This is the spirit I hope you will live out in your heart and home and in our church and before our community. We cannot be a church that is true to the demands of the Gospel if we don’t act justly. We aren’t true to the Gospel if we don’t act to root out racism in the structures of our society and church. We do justice when we give all human beings their due as creations of God. We cannot achieve personal holiness if we don’t love our neighbors with steadfast love. The love and compassion of Jesus means I respect all human beings.

Only if we do these things can we expect to walk humbly with our God. For God is a God of love and justice, a God who made us all in His image. Racism is a denial of that truth. It’s an offense against God.

We know that racism exists in our culture, my prayer is that it will not continue to exist in the church. We can’t be a light that shines in the darkness, if there is darkness in our heart. We lose supernatural witness when we allow sin to abide in us. We can’t walk humbly before our God with a prideful attitude.

Dr. Tony Evans says, “It’s time for a reset in our culture. It’s time to reverse the curse of racism.” Dr. Evans makes it clear that change starts with individuals. It doesn’t start with a group, it starts with me; with you. Change my heart, O God. Change the way I think and see.

It’s practiced in your family. Transfer the godly values of justice and love to your children. Do this by reaching out and serving other people who are different than you. When changes happen in individual hearts and in family life, it brings change to the church. We can become that city set on a hill that Jesus called us to be.

What is good and what does the Lord require of me during this time of racial tension? To do justice, to love kindness and to walk humbly before with your God.

Let’s pray together: Lord, our hearts are heavy. Open our eyes to see what You see. Open our ears to hear what You hear. Let me see every person the way You see them. Let your love flow from us like a mighty river. Let justice roll like waters. May love and justice start with me. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Note from Carol: Thank you Pastor Tim.

Readers, I welcome your thoughts on ways we can do justice and love mercy.