Category Archive: Saying Goodbye

A Tearful Farewell

We said a tearful goodbye Wednesday morning. Our sweet, 14-year old Kelly has recently gone steadily downhill. It hurt to watch her stumble, her legs splay underneath her, her turn away from food, and sleep most of the day.

Don and I have prayed that God would give us wisdom as to when it was time to say goodbye. Several times we’ve thought we were there, but then she’s rallied. And Kelly has never been a complainer, so we watched her eyes, her walk, her food intake, her energy level. Monday we took her to the vet for blood tests. “I’m really not happy with what I see,” Kelly’s kind and competent doctor told us. It was time.

We took our Kelly-girl home for another day and a half to love on her and to say goodbye. En route home I said, “Don, I’d love it if we could take her to the beach one more time. But I know it’s supposed to rain tomorrow.” Kelly slept on my shoulder for two hours that night, something I don’t think she’s done since Don and I married, when she retreated to the bottom of the bed.

My sweet number 1 girl

Rain was heavy Tuesday morning, but the sun peeked out about noon. “Let’s go!” Don and I took Kelly and Paige down to the beach, where we strapped Kelly into her doggie stroller. Paigey ran alongside. We walked over a mile in glorious sunshine, a lovely breeze cooling us. Kelly perked up enough to sit up and watch life around her. It was a wonderful time and the sunshine, a gracious gift from the Father to assuage my hurting heart, allowed us to do something special for Kelly on her last day.

This little beauty has brought a lot of joy and laughter to our lives over the almost ten years I’ve had her.

  • She came to me, a good gift from God, when I was alone and lonely. During a time of grief, she gave me a reason to get up every day because she needed me. During cold winter months I often wakened to feel her little body cuddled under the covers against my thigh. She sneaked under without waking me. I never knew how she managed to breathe underneath the blankets, but she did; and I loved waking to her warmth.
  • Kelly’s antics made me laugh. Early in our life together I went straight to my laptop in the morning. Kelly looked at me from across the room. She opened her mouth and chomped her teeth – I hadn’t fed her yet! Message received.
  • She was my buddy and sweet companion, and I took her along whenever I went somewhere dogs were allowed. She sat quietly and unobtrusively at my feet in Bible studies, lunches, and one-on-ones, never disrupting except with her sweet cuteness, happy as long as she was with me. And if I lunched with a girlfriend and left the table to use the restroom, Kelly stayed behind, remaining in one position, her big brown eyes fixed on the door until I returned.
  • She had grit. When Kelly was just a baby, she took on a big dog who broke her jaw. In the last few years, my girl’s tongue hung out to one side of her sweet, crooked mouth. I think her imperfection made her even more beautiful. And when we brought her grandpup, Paigey, to join our family, Kelly definitely let her know who was boss!
  • I acquired Kelly two months after meeting Don. When we began dating, Kelly was always happy to greet him, to sit with us, to go on walks with Don and his gentle German Shepherd, Ginger. I once waved my hand to include Kelly and said to Don, “You know this is a package deal.” He smiled. “Oh, I figured that out a long time ago.”
  • Our precious princess has left us and we miss her. I am so grateful for this good gift God gave me when I needed her more than I knew.

“So, my very dear friends, don’t get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven.” James 1:17a (MSG)

I love you, Kelly girl! Your imprint will always be on my heart.

Have you lost a pet? What did you love about him or her?

 

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Saying Goodbye

“I’ll see you after your surgery, honey,” I said, tears streaming down my face as I kissed my husband’s goodbye-rosessweet face. “And if God takes you home, I’ll meet you later at Jesus’ feet.” He leaned his face up to meet mine and we kissed … long, soft, tender. I felt like we put all our love into that kiss, knowing it was likely our last.

Saying goodbye may be one of the hardest things we ever have to do. Whether it’s a parent whose child is brain-dead because of one hit on a potent drug, a child whose parent or sibling is dying, or a spouse whose partner is on his deathbed, you feel like your heart will simply burst inside your chest. If your loved one has been ill, you’ve done all you can–you’ve expressed your love and appreciation, you’ve advocated for her, you’ve sat and held his hand for hours, knowing how important your presence and touch are to your loved one.

If you’re a person of faith, you’ve prayed with and for your partner and may have encouraged her with the promises of God. If not, perhaps you’ve invited a chaplain, pastor or priest in to address your partner’s need for peace with God. Here are a few other recommendations from hospice workers and physicians.

Ask if he needs help to resolve unsettled relationships. When my father lay dying, a young hospice worker asked, “Is there anyone you need to make things right with before you go?” While it’s not always possible to restore broken relationships, this is a good question to ask to help loved ones resolve outstanding issues.

Think of how you feel, and say it. Often. Repeatedly. Hospice workers say those who are dying sometimes have an uncanny ability to choose the moment of passing. You may or may not be present when the transition occurs, so don’t wait for the last minute to share your thoughts and feelings. One woman shared that her mother passed while she stepped out of the room to use the restroom.

Give them permission to go: Sometimes our loved ones want to stay for us … but there comes a time when we need to release them, let them know that however much we will miss them, we will be ok.  Two days before Dad moved into eternity, my brother assured him, “We’ll take care of Mom. And each other. We’ll be all right.” This seemed to set Dad’s mind at ease.

My mother-in-law had been in excruciating pain following surgery. Although she was in a coma, we knew she could probably still hear us. We all spoke to her. Jerry was last. “Mom, it seems that if God was going to heal you, He would have done it by now; so if you see Him calling you, go to Him.” Instantly, her heart stopped! Even the nurse gasped.

Often, your presence is more important than words. Show up. Be there. If you can, give a foot or backrub (Dad loved head rubs). Your loving touch speaks volumes.

gloryThe God who has led you and your partner to this moment knows your pain, your loss, and has promised never to leave you nor forsake you; and one day in His presence you and your loved one will again be reunited, to enjoy life eternal with Him.

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died…Then we will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each other with these words.” I Thessalonians 4:13-14, 17b-18 (NLT)

Additional resources:

https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-say-goodbye

https://www.caring.com/reflections/david-kuhl-reflection

 

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