Category Archive: Grief

God … in the Storm

Hurricane winds, floods and storms are blighting our land. Irma closely follows Harvey, with Jose and others coming behind. People are dying, losing homes and worldly goods, and face a long reality of rebuilding their lives. On top of that, there are the personal storms of people we love … broken families, heartbreak, insecurity, fear, anger, loss, homelessness, and more.

Is someone you love going through their own personal hurricane? Troubled seas, high waters, loss of innocence. My heart is heavy for someone in my life who is carrying an overwhelming load. And I feel helpless. All I can do is pray.

And yet, isn’t that the very thing to which God calls me FIRST? When there are practical ways to help – food, shelter, rescue, emotional and physical support–all of which are happening in a major way in Texas, and now in Florida and along the East Coast–we do those. But sometimes there just isn’t anything our “boots on the ground” can do. So we pray: for wisdom, for others to come alongside, for courage, perseverance, long-suffering love, and healing. For protection of body, mind and spirit in the fight against the darts of the evil one.

So often I think “I can handle this …” And yet, there are times when everything needed is beyond any human control. And God tells us to call on His name for help. Lamentations 3:54-56 states this so clearly:

In the eye of the storm

“…the waters closed over my head,
    and I thought I was about to perish.

I called on your name, Lord,
    from the depths of the pit.
You heard my plea: ‘Do not close your ears
    to my cry for relief.’”

These are difficult times in the life of our nation. But God is able to bring good out of the storm. He is able to take the darts of the enemy and bring beauty out of ashes. He is able to impart His strength to the weak, His rest to the weary. My prayer for all going through turmoil, whether physical, spiritual or emotional, is Psalm 73:26:  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” May these be moments where God shows up in such distinct ways that we stand by, watching in awe.

 

So let’s discuss: what do you do when you can’t do anything?  

WHEN THE STORM OVERWHELMS

Harvey’s impact continues. This morning I saw a video of people and animals being rescued–beautiful horses who were caught in the underwater trees and couldn’t get free. The need is still overwhelming.

President Trump has declared Sunday, tomorrow, to be a NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER.

“NOW, THEREFORE, I, DONALD J. TRUMP, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim September 3, 2017, as a National Day of Prayer for the Victims of Hurricane Harvey and for our National Response and Recovery Efforts. We give thanks for the generosity and goodness of all those who have responded to the needs of their fellow Americans.”

And oh, how we need to gather together before the Father, corporately and individually, confessing our sin, our need, and crying out “Jesus, help us. Help our unbelief.”

I’ve wrestled with some tough questions in my own devastating times: Why is this happening to us? What is God’s purpose in suffering? And when friends asked me these questions, I was able to share that as believers we are not exempt from suffering in the world, from the effects of sin and illness. God has not promised to spare us, but He has promised “never will I leave you, never will I forsake you” (Heb 13:5, NIV), and to walk with us in all the paths of our lives, especially in the “valley of the shadow of death” (Psalm 23:4, NIV).

Friends are dealing with critical illness, with crushing despair leading to harmful choices, with trying to access medical treatment with limited staff and facilities. How do we respond when the storm overwhelms, when it doesn’t seem to lessen? W. David O. Taylor wrote about this from within the storm. I am attaching a link to his article here.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2017/august-web-only/when-jesus-doesnt-calm-storm-hurricane-harvey-houston-flood.html?share=

Let’s join together Sunday in corporate prayer for those in need, and for all who are serving others selflessly in Houston and other impacted areas. Let’s pray, too, for God’s intervention in the lives of those we care for who are hurting and need the loving touch of the Father’s heart.

I wish you His peace.

In the Midst of the Storm

Our area had 84 inches of rain last year, destroying and closing roads, limiting access to certain areas, keeping us indoors much more than usual. We were deluged.

But by the end of this week some Texas coastal areas could reach 50 inches of rain, which is the average rainfall for an entire year, according to a Reuters article (https://www.yahoo.com/news/houston-devastated-flooding-harvey-residents-gird-days-rain-005542738–finance.html). More than 30,000 people are expected to need temporary housing. Many have lost homes, household goods, clothing, food–everything material–following Hurricane/Tropical Storm Harvey. At least two people have already died.

My sister-in-law, on the outskirts of Houston, writes, “Hi.  So far we are fine.  Left my garbage can out to measure water and it just keeps overflowing. IT JUST KEEPS RAINING……..Am praying that there are no high winds because I have big trees front and back. The bayou is a raging river.” Her daughter is scheduled for critical medical procedures Thursday and Friday, but the hospital is closed!

Many of us have family in or near Houston, some of whom have been evacuated to other areas. Our hearts are heavy with concern. Emergency services are overloaded.

But we also hear stories of the community pulling together, like the man who took his pickup and invited families to attach their boats to his truck, then pulled out five or six boats (and people) at once.

I’ve been through tough times – loss, death threats, fear, illness – but I have a hard time imagining what it would be like to lose my home, car, everything that’s involved in daily living, and have to start totally from scratch. Yet that is what many will have to do.

Jesus said it is by our love for each other that the world will know we are His disciples. We have another opportunity to express and live that love with this crisis. Two ways we can help:

PRAY … 

… for those in need, for those reaching out, for emergency responders, police, firepersons, pastors, mayors, Governor Gregg Abbott, President Trump.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16.

GIVE …

James 2:15-17 speaks to me: “Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” 

Here are two of many reputable organizations that are working to provide help to Texas.

World Vision is stepping in to help. Check their information and donation site at https://www.worldvision.org/disaster-response-news-stories/hurricane-harvey

The Billy Graham organization is sending crisis-trained chaplains into areas affected by Harvey to provide emotional and spiritual support. See https://lp.billygraham.org/rrt-hurricane/?utm_source=hurricane+harvey+alert+email+all+08.28.17&utm_medium=bgemail&utm_campaign=bg

I pray that in the current crisis the watching world will see the love of Christ through us, His hands and feet in the world.

 

Making Room for Love–a Second Time Around

Falling in love and committing to a new marriage after losing a spouse took time. Was I willing to join my life with another after having been widowed? Did loving someone new mean I loved my first husband less? Was it in any way a betrayal of our love?

I wasn’t the only one who had the question. My friends also wondered how, when Jerry and I loved each other deeply, I could make room for another man in my life.

When I emailed a photo of Don to two of my close girlfriends, one wrote back a very short response. “Wow. Didn’t expect that. Wow.” I asked what she meant. She thought Don looked very much like an older Jerry. I didn’t see that resemblance myself, but I think my friend wondered if I was trying to replace Jerry.

Later she and I had another conversation where I tried to explain what it was like to love again. “It’s like I have two windows in my heart; Jerry is in one and now Don is in the other; it’s not a replacement, but rather an addition.” And what an addition, a gift from our good Father, he is!

On a recent trip to Israel together

Since Don is significantly older than I am (‘tho young in mind and body!) my friends also feared watching me go through go through widowhood again. It wasn’t easy the first time, for any of us. Not only did they love me; they loved my husband. And they watched me grieve, wept with me, let me go through the steps I needed to in order to heal. They didn’t want to see me in that kind of pain again.

But for me, the choice was to enjoy this second love for whatever time God gives us–or to walk away from it in order to protect my heart. I had asked God that if He had someone else for me, to bring that man to me. I didn’t want to be part of the dating game. While that works and is probably fun for some, it’s not where I wanted to spend my energy.

So God brought this gracious, loving man to me (and me to him) when Don and I met in a widow/ widower grief recovery group about two years after Jerry’s death. Neither of us attended the church where the group met; we came from homes twenty-seven miles apart…not in the same geographic location at all. While it took me awhile to commit, once I met Don there simply wasn’t anyone else for me. A God-thing, no doubt!

Seeking God’s guidance

God has blessed many wonderful women (and men) with the gift of being single after death or divorce. Their lives are full and complete as they follow Him in that new life, unless or until God brings someone else to them. But as more of my friends are widowed, I remember the adjustments needed both by my friends and myself in entering a new marriage. God may bring another special person along: making room for that someone is not only a process for the single person, but also for her family and friends. Honor that. Talk to them about your feelings, needs, desires; help them to know your new love so they can accept and begin to appreciate and love him (or her) too, as my friends have done.

And when feelings are hurt, as mine were when my friends didn’t understand, trust God. Talk about it, to God first. Ask Him for direction for yourself, and also for their openness. I realized that I’d rather have five good years with Don than none! (And we’re now in year eight, for which we both thank God.) And I needed to trust God and my friends with the rest.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” Helen Keller

If you’ve lost a partner to death or divorce, how is God meeting your needs for comfort and companionship?

BROKEN DREAMS, FULFILLED

My dream

As a little girl, I dreamed of the day I would walk down the aisle in a white gown, a long lace veil and train following the billowing skirts of my Cinderella gown. Babies would follow and a tall, handsome man and I would share a home filled with laughter and love. A white picket fence would surround our house. It was a picture-perfect scenario.

But God led me another way. I served with an inner city ministry for ten years, then married for the first time at the age of thirty-six. Lots of conversations with my new husband centered around if, and when, we might try to have a child, or children. My husband was nine and a half years older than I. One concern was that our children, if we had any, would have significantly older parents than most of their peers. When our child was 20, we could be 58 and 68 respectively. We prayed, talked, I cried, we talked more … and determined that for us, bearing and raising children might not be the best option.

One Mother’s Day I cried through the whole church service. I cried throughout the afternoon and evening. My kind husband tried to comfort me, but my dream of being a mother was dying, and I grieved. Time healed the grief and my husband and I shared a lovely life together until his untimely death at the early age of 66. After his passing, I thought I might remain single; a few years later, however, God brought Don into my life. We fell in love and married.

         Mom and three of her four children

Today we celebrated another Mother’s Day with my sweet 95-year old mother. We are so blessed that this lovely, gracious woman is still with us, praying for us, making us laugh with her hearing loss that results in some pretty hilarious conversations.

And that dream of mine that died years ago? This week I received a beautiful note from a younger woman I led to Christ about a year ago. “You have been like a mother to me…” she wrote. As tears filled my eyes, I thought of the ways God has fulfilled my dream – in an out-of-the-box kind of way. I’ve had the privilege of discipling several women over the years, and now have two wonderful women whom I have the joy of loving and teaching and walking alongside in their relationship with Christ. My oldest brother asked today, “Carol, is Mother’s Day hard for you since you don’t have children?” I responded immediately. “No, because God has given me spiritual daughters.” Oh, I feel a twinge now and then … like when I chose not to take the “Mother’s Day mug” from church this morning because I am not a mother in the traditional sense. But those twinges don’t last long.

So, my point? God is not limited to one way of answering prayer. This is a hard day for many women – women who have never had a loving relationship with their mother; women who long to bear children and can’t, for a variety of reasons. Women who have carried a child who died in utero, in birth, or after birth. My heart goes out to each of you, for the grief you feel and the heartache that bubbles to the surface on this day.  But let’s also ask God to help us recognize His “out-of-the-box” handprint on our lives.

“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.” Ecclesiastes 11:5 NIV

Question: How have you seen God’s handprint on your life in unexpected ways?